Sunday, February 3, 2013

write about writing but not writing


“I’m Sorry….”

These two words seemed to say everything that needed to be said. But they weren’t…..were they? The first question of the many that seem to float around in the brain. There needed to be an explanation. But this seemed to be short, simple, and straight to the point. The way it needed to be. Still the thought remains…should I explain? But how can there be an explanation when there isn’t an understanding of what happened? Where did things go wrong? Why did things go wrong? Where and with whom does the blame lie? Perhaps an explanation was needed.

“I’m Sorry…”

Could an apology fix the problem or were they forever broken? The possibility had never occurred. Why think they could be fixed? Because there was an apology? What if it’s not enough?

Sorry doesn’t fix it. It only opens the floor for discussion. Discussion could lead to arguing. Arguing could lead to leaving, and leaving resolves nothing. Leaving makes the cracks bigger. The cracks will only grow bigger until everything shatters. There will be no picking up the pieces then. There would be no apologies, no explanations, nothing. Just the shattered pieces of what once was. The unfixable, beyond repair.

Could “I’m Sorry…” fix the problem? Could it be talked out? Not knowing is the worst part. To go for it. Putting your all on the line. Taking the great leap of faith, not knowing if someone is waiting on the other side or if you’re going to fall flat on your face. Maybe it’s worth a shot….

But would there be a response? If so what would it be? I’m sorry too? I forgive you? Can we talk?

 What if there was no response at all? Panic begins to set in.

Funny how this one little phrase, two little words could spark so many internal questions. Is it worth fighting for? Are you worth fighting for? It always seems that apologies could fix problems, could it fix this one? What if you aren’t worth it?

To say or not to say? That is the question. Oh how this one little phrase could spark such the great debate. How should it be said? Calling was out of the question. It’s hard enough to put your mind in the right place now, how could you even attempt to say the words out loud? Text? Email? Handwritten letter? This should seem really personal, genuine and sincere.

“I’m Sorry….”

The room is spinning. Heart is pounding. Panic attack? Be calm, it’s just an apology.

NO! THIS IS THE APOLOGY. This could break everything or fix everything. But is this where to begin?

1 comment:

  1. I like how you captured everything that runs through someone's mind during an argument. Sometimes "I'm sorry," only makes things worse and other times it's just not enough to satisfy the other person. I like your last line as well. "But is this where to begin?" It seems like the act of apologizing requires some preemptive action or discussion.

    ReplyDelete